So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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