What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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