I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
