You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
