tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
