Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Randomize
