So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
