Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
