omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
