im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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