i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
