i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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