i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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