OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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