made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
