Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
