just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
its not stalking. its research.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
