the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
high people should be assigned attendants
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
