i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
