How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
