I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
