Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
