I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
