I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
