I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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