the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
