I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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