I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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