there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
