Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
