The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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