I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
