was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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