you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
