Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
