I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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