I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
