he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
