you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
