I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
