Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just cropdusted the office
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
