so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
