You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
