i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
