i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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