is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
