I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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