I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
