Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
