We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
