Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
