i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
