I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
