I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
