she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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