As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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